2.10 Therapy

"Do you still think this is a good idea?" Robi asked me as we sat in the waiting room a the therapists office for our first meeting.
"What do you mean? You said you were up for this!" I felt my anger start again.
"Yes and i am! I just,.. I'm not comfortable talking to a complete stranger about our problems. We should be able to deal with them ourselves."
"Well if we are to deal with them ourselves we are talking about a divorce. Do you want one?" I asked very defensively.
"No of course not. I just.. never mind," he said, now sulking.
A young girl stuck her head through the door. "The Bloom's?"
"That's us," I answered her.
"Follow me," she said and we got up and walked with her through a long allway. There were a lot of doors, leading to various rooms, probably to different offices.
"Right, here you are." She led us through a door and into an office. "You just sit and she will be with you in a second." The young girl left again and we were met with dead silence. We sat down in an armchair each and waited for approximately half a minute before someone arrived at the door.
"The Blooms i presume," An elderly lady asked. "I'm Mila Bow, your therapist." She sent us a warming smile that you just couldn't help reciprocate.
We introduced ourselves with a handshake and we all sat down in a circle around a small table.
"Does people often cry in here?" Robi asked, clearly noticing the box of tissues on the table. "Not that there is anything wrong with that," he quickly added seeing the look on my face.
"It's completely fine," Mila said, still with a smile. "It happens that people get emotional and they need to dry their tears. Now, i understand this is your first time at a therapist?"
"That's correct," I said.
"Okay and why do you want help from a therapist?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, a bit confused.
"Well what made you decide you needed a therapist?"
"Oh it was actually because of a dream i had a few nights back." I told her about the dream and she said: "I see. That was quite intense. That must not have been nice to experience. Well, let's just get started, shall we." She grabbed a notepad and a pen and started asking us questions about us, our personality, our background, our family. We didn't touch our problems at all.
"Ehm, when are we going to talk about our problems?" Robi asked.
"Hm you seem quite interested in asking questions. How come that is?" She looked at him like she was studying him. He became very nervous and said sorry for interrupting and didn't answer more than that.
The rest of the meeting, which lasted a good 4 hours, went not without bumps. Robi couldn't help himself correcting me sometimes and every time the therapist would ask him why he was doing that, and then he would say sorry and we would just continue the conversation. I wish she would have done more to help us there, but she said she had to get to know us before she could help us and right now she was just observing us.

We went to therapy three times a week. It was a good way to get your frustrations out. She seemed to understand it, as she had seen and heard a lot of things during her time as a therapist.
Sometimes at home i felt like i was losing it. Sometimes i was even scared that i was going crazy. I couldn't focus on my work, i kept painting the same thing over and over again because it just wasn't perfect enough!
At the moment Robi slept on the couch in the living room and i had the bed. It was easier that way to deal with our problems.

He said he didn't mind it, but i knew he missed the times where we would curl up in bed together, kissing and caressing each others cheeks. Sex had never been a major part of our relationship, but even I had started to miss it. Being intimate turned out to actually be a big deal. I had never seen myself as a sexual being. That quickly changed though. I couldn't get used to being alone in bed. Even when we had our fights, I would seek comfort in his presence next to me. Though i knew we weren't ready yet to share a bed. I just had to wait.

As time went by we opened more and more up to our therapist. She helped us see other sides of our problems. I realized why i had been so angry for so long. I had been neglecting myself in a lot of ways and then let it out on Robi. I had to find inner peace, and not with cookies and chips, or workout machines.  No, the therapist wanted me to take yoga lessons. She had had a lot of patients take yoga lessons and apparently they had come far just with that. I asked if that meant the end of our conversations, because that would make me sad. I didn't feel we were quite there yet where we could handle everything ourselves. It was like my mother was guiding me again, though in the form of my therapist. But she agreed with me that we weren't ready for her to let go just yet, but it was a start for me to take yoga lessons. She said, and i agreed with her, that i needed to take care of myself and my needs. And for that to happen i needed inner peace.

The next day i called in sick to work, and headed down to the spa for my first yoga lesson. I found it difficult with all the movements and positions we had to make. I wasn't as bendy as i had been once.

It made me happy to sweat my problems away. At the end of the class we would lie down on our mat with relaxing music to make us relax in our mind. It was a beautiful thing.

Yoga seemed to give me a peace of mind i had never experienced before. I was so glad to be free of all my negativity and anger that i felt like i could take on the world!

Often, while i was at yoga or work and Robi was at work, the kids would go to the park to play together on the jungle gym.

Even though Kala was with them she would rather spend time alone on the monkey bars. She had learned that, except her cousins, the other kids didn't want to play with her. It made me sad all the way into my heart, but there wasn't much i could do about it. She was slowly getting old enough to make her own decisions and didn't listen to me much anymore. I knew she missed her own Mom. It was clear that she felt alone at times and was jealous that her cousins had their mother around when she didn't. I saw Kala as my own daughter and i disciplined her as i did my own kids, but nothing seemed to get through that tough exterior she had put up.

My relationship with Robi was slowly improving. He had now been allowed back into bed and we had even started being intimate with each other again.

Soon it was time for Kala's birthday.

Now that she was a teenager she was able to buy the clothes she wanted to dress in. She went for a Pop Punk style. (will be shown in Generation 2 Character Overview!)
She started listening to punk-pop music, which i didn't approve of but i thought that she was now old enough to decide it on her own.

Since starting taking yoga classes i had cut down on my cake and chips consuming. I ate a bit more healthy now. I wanted to lose my baby fat and the extra i had gained since, again. I began working out at the gym as well. I would love to say that i was doing better at my job, that a promotion was nearing. Sadly i was actually close to being fired. I had taken too much time off work because of stress and they were talking about letting me go. Now that i had found new strength i wanted to work extra hard. The girls were also growing up fast and were able to take more care of themselves.
Yes, i'm sure with the therapy we've gotten and the yoga classes, everything would now be okay.